How I Went From Cry Baby Kris to kOMposed Kristine
There it was. I was sitting in my car waiting for my son and an email from kOMpose Yoga about a $99 membership special for February popped up. I froze. I was mortified. I had completely forgotten about the email offer and that I had scheduled it for automatic delivery. I felt my blood pressure rise and all of the muscles in my body tighten. My mind was racing with a million different thoughts. What am I going to do? How am I going to fix this?
Harry hopped into the car and we drove home in silence. It had been a rough week and I was overly tired and sensitive. We arrived home and Harry went up to his room (which is where most teenage boys spend their time, right?). I stood in the kitchen fidgeting around trying to figure out what to do next. My eyes started to well up with tears and I knew I was on the verge of breaking down.
As a little girl, I used to cry a lot. I was a very sensitive and emotional girl. Looking back today, crying was my way of releasing my emotions. But kids can be cruel. And the neighborhood kids used to call me Cry Baby Kris. I would get so embarrassed when they would call me by that nickname, and then, of course, I would cry. They knew how to push my buttons and it became a vicious cycle.
I learned at a young age that being vulnerable with others could hurt. So, subconsciously I started to control my emotions and keep them hidden so I wouldn't cry and get teased. But my actions had consequences. At night, I would grind my teeth. Then I started having migraine headaches. Ultimately, I was just hurting myself to avoid the pain of rejection and embarrassment.
As an adult I turned to alcohol to numb my emotions. I used wine to dull the pain I would feel from rejection and heartbreak. But then I found yoga and meditation. And things began to shift for me. Finally, I learned how to properly breathe. To pause and acknowledge the feelings I was having, rather than to hide from them. By learning to pause and take a deep breath, I began to make more intentional choices rather than reacting from my emotions, the alcohol and my past. Slowly, I started to find more peace in my life.
That day in the kitchen I paused and made a conscious choice. I went and sat down on the couch in my living room. I closed my eyes and focused on deep breathing for 10 minutes. When I was done, my heart wasn’t pounding anymore. My mind was no longer racing with a million different thoughts. I was calmer and more composed. I reached out to my support system about the situation and got the love and support I needed in the moment. I spent the rest of the evening preparing for my Manifest Your Vision workshop and getting organized for the weekend. My mood was lifted and my energy was high!
At that moment in the kitchen, I had two paths to choose from. The first path, which was to pause, put my mindfulness tools into practice and surrender my ego and fears around the situation. The second path, which was my old standby for a long time, was to cry, fall into victim mode and feel sorry for myself, lie in bed, drink a bottle of wine and watch Netflix for the rest of the night. While Netflix and wine are often appealing when you are feeling down, in the end, I realized that it wasn’t truly going to solve my problem. In fact, it would just make it worse.
I share this story with you for a couple of reasons. First, I take ownership for the incorrect email and apologize for the confusion about our February Special! This month we are offering 15% off all of our membership levels for THREE MONTHS. We are excited to announce that we have added a new 12-month unlimited yoga option called the Empower Membership. This offer is available for both new and current members. We wanted to find a way to continue to support our students in their efforts to achieve and maintain wellness in 2019. Many of you are off to an amazing start!! It is so awesome to watch! Keep up the great work. If you are like me and haven’t quite gotten back into your wellness routine, this a great opportunity to re-commit to your health and self-care. All membership levels (other than Empower) only require a 3-month commitment.
Next, on February 23, Michele Brown and I are hosting a workshop called Power of the Pause. This 2-hour workshop is designed to help you learn how to become present with your feelings and thoughts, teach yourself to pause in everyday situations and incorporate simple mindfulness practices into your life in order to find peace and joy. We take common sense and turn them into common practices.
In Light and Love-